I Didn't Know I Was Anxious

Heart tests & a reality check.

A few months ago, I went and got some heart tests done. I'd noticed my heart thumping more heavily in my chest, and racing or skipping beats at random points in the day. With a family history of heart problems, I was a little worried.

After all the tests, my GP sat me down. "Nothing abnormal showed up," she said. "What you're experiencing... Is probably due to anxiety."

I felt silly that it hadn't occurred to me. Anxiety? I thought I was on top of that. But in hindsight, the signs were all there; the poor sleep, the racing heart, the difficulty concentrating, the withdrawal from friends and activities. Even without any tangible, logical reason, there it was: Anxiety.

As a Christian, struggling with my mental health can sometimes feel like a juxtaposition. The Bible tells me "Do not be anxious about anything" (more on that another time), and yet I still am. What does that say about my faith?

Countless Christian friends and pastors have given me advice over the years, some more helpful than others. One person told me that my faith must be weak. A guest speaker said I simply had to 'decide' not to be anxious.

Though well-meaning, these pieces of advice did not help. What did help was when I finally had conversations with fellow Christians who understood the battle. They didn’t invalidate my anxiety or question my faith. Instead, they told me that I didn’t need to be ashamed of my struggle, and that it was something God could use to draw me closer to Him. Hearing that gave me hope.

If you want to hear more on my personal wrestle with anxiety and faith, you can read part of my story in the blog post, I struggle with Anxiety. What does that say about my faith?.